So this last week in church we began to speak about the idea of our identity in Christ. This is something that I was sure I was pretty confident in for myself. I knew that I had the love of God in me, and that I am being led by him daily.
As our pastor(who is pretty awesome) began to share about how we can have an identity in Christ, but at the same time since we live in a fallen world our identity of ourselves can be off from how God sees us. I thought that I knew this, but it seemed as the service went on I did not know that. I was beginning to see that from things that happened in my life and family have made me not really know how my Father God sees me.
In the Response time we began singing the song I Know That You are For Me (if you have not heard check it out https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_35gB76xV_Y). In the chorus it begins to remind us that God is for us and that He will never leave us even in our weakness. That hit me so hard! I just began to weep and not really understanding what was wrong, because I thought I knew who I was in Christ.
It was then that I realized that for whatever reason I feel like God is just waiting for a reason to give up on me. I know in my head that He would never do that, but in my heart at times I just feel like God waiting for me to mess up enough so He can walk away. As I sang the words "I know that you are for me", I began to realize that God is truly for me. That He is fighting for me, and standing in my place for the battles that I am facing.
This is such a striking thing to me. I have no idea what in my past has told me that I have to prove my worth to God, but something has done that. It had me thinking more about do I truly understand the identity that I was given God, and how the identity that the world has given me changes my view of God. I know that this is something that will not change overnight, but it is something that I have to keep chewing on.
Then the Lord also loves to show me that he does fight for me by providing. As many of you know I have been trying to raise funds to get to South Asia this summer, and it has been a bit stressful to get that money in. I have felt like the money was just slowly coming in, and it was never all going to get in. Then in just a few days God has moved people to give and brought in the 50% that was needed by today. I just feel like I need to have these reminders that the Lord is for me!
As our pastor(who is pretty awesome) began to share about how we can have an identity in Christ, but at the same time since we live in a fallen world our identity of ourselves can be off from how God sees us. I thought that I knew this, but it seemed as the service went on I did not know that. I was beginning to see that from things that happened in my life and family have made me not really know how my Father God sees me.
In the Response time we began singing the song I Know That You are For Me (if you have not heard check it out https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_35gB76xV_Y). In the chorus it begins to remind us that God is for us and that He will never leave us even in our weakness. That hit me so hard! I just began to weep and not really understanding what was wrong, because I thought I knew who I was in Christ.
It was then that I realized that for whatever reason I feel like God is just waiting for a reason to give up on me. I know in my head that He would never do that, but in my heart at times I just feel like God waiting for me to mess up enough so He can walk away. As I sang the words "I know that you are for me", I began to realize that God is truly for me. That He is fighting for me, and standing in my place for the battles that I am facing.
This is such a striking thing to me. I have no idea what in my past has told me that I have to prove my worth to God, but something has done that. It had me thinking more about do I truly understand the identity that I was given God, and how the identity that the world has given me changes my view of God. I know that this is something that will not change overnight, but it is something that I have to keep chewing on.
Then the Lord also loves to show me that he does fight for me by providing. As many of you know I have been trying to raise funds to get to South Asia this summer, and it has been a bit stressful to get that money in. I have felt like the money was just slowly coming in, and it was never all going to get in. Then in just a few days God has moved people to give and brought in the 50% that was needed by today. I just feel like I need to have these reminders that the Lord is for me!
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