So one month ago I had surgery. It is hard to believe that is was a month ago. So much has happened in that time. Life has seemed to knock me around a bit, but in the end I am still standing. I don't think that I can ask for much more right now.
***WARNING****
This might be a long blog...you may want to get a snack first, go to the bathroom, take a nap, or just get comfy and read on.
So after surgery I had people staying with me for the first few days. It was nice to be able to ask for help anytime that I needed it. Then the day came that I had to go it alone. At first I was a bit worried, but started to find my pace. This pace that I thought I found was a bit faster than I should have been going. Within less than a week I was running around town like nothing had happened. I would smile and keep going, but often was extremely sore. I should have stayed home!
After trying to keep up for a bit I finally stayed home. I was relaxing and enjoying the slow life. I just would watch Netflix and do the occasional bit of homework. All of my professors gave me extensions to get my work in late, so of course like any good Grad student I would wait to the last minute to turn it in. I am proud to say that I did get everything turned in and my professors even thanked me!
Things were moving along well. My arm was healing faster, and I started feeling ready to go back to work. Then I get a call from my mom one day. It was in the middle of the day when she should have been in school. I got a little worried once I saw her number because she normally does not call during school. My mind began to race through all the things that could be wrong. I say hello, and she tells me that there is a big tornado on the ground and Deb was at home with some family that was visiting and with no power. Mom wanted me to call her to let her know what the weather was doing.
So I quickly logged onto News 9, and pulled up Gary England to hear what he was saying. The minute I looked at the radar I knew my family was OK. Then I began to see pictures of Moore. A place that I still feel like is home. I saw building that I had gone to or spent time in just destroyed. This was the first time that a large storm had ever moved through and I was not there.
I did not know what to feel. Everyone that lives here knew about it, but most had never been through something like this. They did not know what to say. I started feeling slightly out of place. When my phone rang I hoped that it would be news that it was not real, and that it was all a big hoax. That call never came, but the calls that did come were so and so is missing or so and so is gone or so and so lost their house or the best so and so lost everything but they are OK. It seemed daily that these calls came in. Part of me was so happy to get them. I felt like I was connected back home when I was so far away.
I started to think about quitting my job, and doing my classes online so that I could come home for the summer. I then remembered that I could not afford to do that since I would have to pack up all my stuff and move it home with me. I had to be OK with the fact that I was here and not there.
Over the next few weeks I just keep pushing myself to not think about things. I had to get my work in, and everyone here had already moved on. Why was I still so upset? I would hear anything about Moore, and break down in tears. I just wanted to be there to help.
In this time I also found out that my apartment I have been staying in was not going to be covered by financial aid this next year. I was stressed and pulled in so many different ways. I just wanted to feel like things were normal again, but nothing I did helped.
I am extremely thankful for the church family that God has provided to me this year. I had many girls from the group come to pray for me, and my whole church had a prayer time during one service to pray for all those that had been in the storm. I could not ask for better encouragement. I even got an opportunity to share at the youth group about what was going on(looks like I am going to start helping in the youth group all the time)...they did a bake sale and raised $52 to send to the Red Cross :)
I just did not know how much more that I could take this quarter. Finals were coming up and medical bills were starting to come in. I was really worried if this quarter would be the end of me in seminary. Then I realized something that should have struck me the first day, God had a plan for me being here and not there. He knew that I would struggle through all of this, and he put things in place to help me make it. He has provided a new place for me to stay starting July 1st that will be $200 cheaper, but I will be getting a much nicer place. He has also made it where I might be able to come home in September.
If you have made it this far I applaud you!!! You have just a bit more, but the subject is going to change so feel free to take an intermission and come back after you are ready.
So lately I have been thinking about missions and ministry. For so long I have been so focused on getting done at school and getting back overseas ASAP. While right now that is still the plan, I have been thinking about some things that have been preached on in church. We have been talking about Acts and the men that God used in that book. Paul of course was one of them. I always saw Paul as the ultimate missionary. These sessions at church have been talking about the timeline of Paul's life. He did not leave on a mission trip as soon as he had sight again. Instead he waited, and we know very little about that time in his life. Then he finally goes out and does not seem to stop.
I think for me I have had the thought that if I don't go out to India as soon as school is out that I will let others down. That they will believe that I maybe was not truly called to do ministry. I had this fear that I had to prove that the Lord wanted to use me. One of the other men that we talked about was Moses. (yes I know he is not in Acts) that he had to wait for 40 years before God used him for the purpose that was meant for his life.
Like I said right now I still am thinking the plan is to go out to India ASAP, but now I have begun to ask myself more about that. Why am I wanting to go back that quickly? Is it me or God leading? Those are things that I am working through right now. I know that I am called to India, but the question is when.
I think this has been even more pushed into my mind due to the fact that this week I have been writing papers about India, and serving there full time. Also I have a group of friends that are leaving for India for a short term trip. I just want to jump in their bags to go back. I have to remember that God is the guide and not I. I have ministry that I can be doing here, and I need to do them with all my heart and not with half of it in India.
Well if you have made it this far I am giving you a standing ovation!!!! Thank you for taking the time to listen to my mind and fears and joys. I hope that you guys are doing great! Thanks for caring for me and know that I care for you as well.
***WARNING****
This might be a long blog...you may want to get a snack first, go to the bathroom, take a nap, or just get comfy and read on.
So after surgery I had people staying with me for the first few days. It was nice to be able to ask for help anytime that I needed it. Then the day came that I had to go it alone. At first I was a bit worried, but started to find my pace. This pace that I thought I found was a bit faster than I should have been going. Within less than a week I was running around town like nothing had happened. I would smile and keep going, but often was extremely sore. I should have stayed home!
After trying to keep up for a bit I finally stayed home. I was relaxing and enjoying the slow life. I just would watch Netflix and do the occasional bit of homework. All of my professors gave me extensions to get my work in late, so of course like any good Grad student I would wait to the last minute to turn it in. I am proud to say that I did get everything turned in and my professors even thanked me!
Things were moving along well. My arm was healing faster, and I started feeling ready to go back to work. Then I get a call from my mom one day. It was in the middle of the day when she should have been in school. I got a little worried once I saw her number because she normally does not call during school. My mind began to race through all the things that could be wrong. I say hello, and she tells me that there is a big tornado on the ground and Deb was at home with some family that was visiting and with no power. Mom wanted me to call her to let her know what the weather was doing.
So I quickly logged onto News 9, and pulled up Gary England to hear what he was saying. The minute I looked at the radar I knew my family was OK. Then I began to see pictures of Moore. A place that I still feel like is home. I saw building that I had gone to or spent time in just destroyed. This was the first time that a large storm had ever moved through and I was not there.
I did not know what to feel. Everyone that lives here knew about it, but most had never been through something like this. They did not know what to say. I started feeling slightly out of place. When my phone rang I hoped that it would be news that it was not real, and that it was all a big hoax. That call never came, but the calls that did come were so and so is missing or so and so is gone or so and so lost their house or the best so and so lost everything but they are OK. It seemed daily that these calls came in. Part of me was so happy to get them. I felt like I was connected back home when I was so far away.
I started to think about quitting my job, and doing my classes online so that I could come home for the summer. I then remembered that I could not afford to do that since I would have to pack up all my stuff and move it home with me. I had to be OK with the fact that I was here and not there.
Over the next few weeks I just keep pushing myself to not think about things. I had to get my work in, and everyone here had already moved on. Why was I still so upset? I would hear anything about Moore, and break down in tears. I just wanted to be there to help.
In this time I also found out that my apartment I have been staying in was not going to be covered by financial aid this next year. I was stressed and pulled in so many different ways. I just wanted to feel like things were normal again, but nothing I did helped.
I am extremely thankful for the church family that God has provided to me this year. I had many girls from the group come to pray for me, and my whole church had a prayer time during one service to pray for all those that had been in the storm. I could not ask for better encouragement. I even got an opportunity to share at the youth group about what was going on(looks like I am going to start helping in the youth group all the time)...they did a bake sale and raised $52 to send to the Red Cross :)
I just did not know how much more that I could take this quarter. Finals were coming up and medical bills were starting to come in. I was really worried if this quarter would be the end of me in seminary. Then I realized something that should have struck me the first day, God had a plan for me being here and not there. He knew that I would struggle through all of this, and he put things in place to help me make it. He has provided a new place for me to stay starting July 1st that will be $200 cheaper, but I will be getting a much nicer place. He has also made it where I might be able to come home in September.
If you have made it this far I applaud you!!! You have just a bit more, but the subject is going to change so feel free to take an intermission and come back after you are ready.
So lately I have been thinking about missions and ministry. For so long I have been so focused on getting done at school and getting back overseas ASAP. While right now that is still the plan, I have been thinking about some things that have been preached on in church. We have been talking about Acts and the men that God used in that book. Paul of course was one of them. I always saw Paul as the ultimate missionary. These sessions at church have been talking about the timeline of Paul's life. He did not leave on a mission trip as soon as he had sight again. Instead he waited, and we know very little about that time in his life. Then he finally goes out and does not seem to stop.
I think for me I have had the thought that if I don't go out to India as soon as school is out that I will let others down. That they will believe that I maybe was not truly called to do ministry. I had this fear that I had to prove that the Lord wanted to use me. One of the other men that we talked about was Moses. (yes I know he is not in Acts) that he had to wait for 40 years before God used him for the purpose that was meant for his life.
Like I said right now I still am thinking the plan is to go out to India ASAP, but now I have begun to ask myself more about that. Why am I wanting to go back that quickly? Is it me or God leading? Those are things that I am working through right now. I know that I am called to India, but the question is when.
I think this has been even more pushed into my mind due to the fact that this week I have been writing papers about India, and serving there full time. Also I have a group of friends that are leaving for India for a short term trip. I just want to jump in their bags to go back. I have to remember that God is the guide and not I. I have ministry that I can be doing here, and I need to do them with all my heart and not with half of it in India.
Well if you have made it this far I am giving you a standing ovation!!!! Thank you for taking the time to listen to my mind and fears and joys. I hope that you guys are doing great! Thanks for caring for me and know that I care for you as well.
