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Hey guys,

Disclaimer here: If I did not see you in the last week it is not that I did not love you, it was that I only had a week and really wanted to spend it with the familia.

So I just got back from Oklahoma.  It was nice to see my family.  It has been a full year since I was home, and I figured it was time.  So the plan began to get home.  I bought my tickets like 2 months ago, and then began to count down the days to coming home.  Once it finally got here it did not really even seem real.

I finally arrived at Will Rogers Airport(which I still find it weird we have an airport named after someone who died in a plane crash!!!) and my mom picked me up.  The drive home was pretty uneventful.  Except when we hit Moore, once we got there my eyes were filled with the left over damage from the tornadoes.  I was glad that it was pretty cleaned up, because that means that Moore is moving on with life.  It was just interesting to see just so much open ground where buildings used to be.

Once I was home the Deb's kids had no idea I was coming home, so they were told that mom was going to get a surprise for them...of course they thought it was a puppy.  When I came inside they just started screaming and were so excited.  Then we told them that the next day we would be going to the zoo.  I had not been to the OKC zoo in forever so it was nice to go back, but it was a bit warm so lots of the animals were not out :(.  Even with that it was so much fun to go with the kids, and they even tried to touch the stingrays at Stingray Bay.

Our next big event was going to see my Grandma.  We had not told her either that I was coming.  So we met her in Tulsa for Cracker Barrel(which they have none of these in California!!! I knew these Californians were crazy) When Grandma saw me she was just like I knew it, and just hugged me all over.  It was nice to see her.  Of course we caused problems the whole time, and had everyone dying laughing from acting crazy.  It was kinda like old times.

my partners in crime!

The next amazing thing was getting to celebrate my sisters birthday! Now this may not seem like a big thing, but I have missed Deb's birthday for around 3 or 4 yrs.  Either I am leaving the country or moving to California.  So I decided I really wanted to be there for her birthday this year.  So to celebrate we went antique shopping in Guthrie.  Which is one of the things that me and my sister love to do, and we always find some awesome things.  On top of the awesomeness we also find lots things to laugh and joke about, such as an item that looks like it comes straight out of a torture dungeon.  The only downside to this day is lots of the shops were closed since the weekend before MUMFORD AND SONS has hosted a giant music festival (aka 35,000 people extra in Guthrie).  So most of the shop owners were trying to catch up on sleep.

One thing that I did was something that I have not done in forever!  I got up early to go to school.  I went to school with mom, since I wanted to say hey to a lot of teachers from CCS that have changed my life.  I ended up getting to spend a few hours up there talking and just enjoying the time in the school

One of the last awesome things that happened was getting to see my Memaw.  This woman is so much fun to chill with.  She just keeps you laughing the whole time!  She is an awesome person.  We did not do anything crazy just sat and watched some TV and chatted.  She did take us to eat some Chinese food, which is a great family tradition.  Me and Deb just love giving her a hard time, and she gives it right back.

Well that is about it...I know other things happened, but if I gave you a blow by blow then you would have stopped reading forever ago!  I loved getting to see the people that I did see, and wished that I could have seen a lot more people.  Thank you to all that have supported me in this time of training, and I pray that you will continue to support me through even more years.

Silence

I know you are shocked and amazed right now...you did not have to wait a month before I wrote an update.  So since you already know what is up with my life I will get right into the new info.

So this last Friday was a very interesting day for me.  I have been in a class where we are studying Spiritual Practices and Tradition of the Christian church.  So we have looked at St Patrick, St Francis, and many others.  One thing that has been common among all the people that we have looked at so far has been they take long periods of silence to pray and hear from God.  So we were going to do the same!

So on Friday we went to Mater Dolarosa which is a monastery in the next town over.  We arrived at 9am, and knew that it would be a long day!  We were told that this was going to be a silent retreat, and we could only talk if we felt we had too.  We were given some basic instructions of where things on the ground were and then we started.  The monastery had some things set up to help people pray through some things, and also just lovely grounds to enjoy nature.

I started praying and walking through their Stations for the Cross.  I took my time trying to hear from God, and was feeling silence.  I started to feel frustrated.  Why had I come out there if I was not going to hear anything.  Then the next thing that happened made me even more frustrated.  I started to feel extremely weak.  I hit a point that I did not even think I could stand.  I kept praying and asking why God was doing this.

I finally got sat down in the grass.  Then the word WEAKNESS kept coming to my head.  I kinda hate that word.  I never like feeling weak.  I know that everyone is not a big fan, but it is something that I will avoid at all cost.  I feel like I have to be the strong one in most situations(even though I am not).  I hate feeling like I don't have the answers to questions.

So I started to pray, and looking into the Word about what the Lord said about weakness.  I was sure that I was going to find that weakness was bad, and that I should do everything to get rid of it.  Instead I found the opposite.  I found so many verses that talked about weakness as a way to show the Lord to the world.  It was this mind blowing thing that this whole time I had been fighting against weakness and now the Lord was saying it is OK to be weak.  So now I am having to let go of my desire to always be strong.  Once I started praying and asking for the Lord's help I felt fine again, and in fact walked around for most of the rest of the day.

This has been a great week, and I am glad that the Lord had such a great message for me!  Thanks for reading and caring for me!  

Oh the Honey Badger!

So right now I am sitting at a cafe called the Honey Badger.  I am suppose to be studying with some of my friends...but as you can see that is not happening.  I realized that I have not updated in a while, and so what is the best way to not do homework...do something else.  So here is an update on my life and where I am right now.

So the last time that I posted I was getting ready to move, and summer school was in full swing.  So I have moved into my new apartment!  I am loving it, and it is nice to have roomies around.  I am still getting used to having to think about my stuff being everywhere is not cool with roomies.  I have been pretty clean and am pretty surprised with myself.  I moved in about a month ago...wow how time flies...since then I have gotten almost everything unpacked and already had my first visitors.  Mellissa and JR Webster came to visit me for an evening on their way to San Diego.  It was nice to see some Oklahoman faces!  I have also gotten to start to think about decorating a new space.  I will try to post pictures sometime of the finished product.

I have also gotten a new job.  I am still working at Office Max, but I am now also working at my church.  I am a youth intern.  A friend and I will be running the youth group together.  It is a small stipend to help with a little bit of cost, but that is not what it is about.  I am getting to help these students see more about God and who they can be in God.  So now we are in full planning mode to get events going for our students.

I am also almost done with summer classes.  In two weeks I will go to my final class session and then just have work to turn in to my professors.  It is weird to think that in less than a month I will have my 1 year anniversary of moving to Pasadena.  It has been a huge adventure, but one that I would gladly do again if I had to to go back in time.  I have loved getting to see what God has in this next year, which will hopefully be my final year in Grad school! The classes I have ahead of me will be super challenging, but I am excited and ready for them.

Thanks for reading and I hope you have a great day!

One Month Ago

So one month ago I had surgery.  It is hard to believe that is was a month ago.  So much has happened in that time.  Life has seemed to knock me around a bit, but in the end I am still standing.  I don't think that I can ask for much more right now.

***WARNING****
This might be a long blog...you may want to get a snack first, go to the bathroom, take a nap, or just get comfy and read on.

So after surgery I had people staying with me for the first few days.  It was nice to be able to ask for help anytime that I needed it.  Then the day came that I had to go it alone.  At first I was a bit worried, but started to find my pace.  This pace that I thought I found was a bit faster than I should have been going.  Within less than a week I was running around town like nothing had happened.  I would smile and keep going, but often was extremely sore.  I should have stayed home!

After trying to keep up for a bit I finally stayed home.  I was relaxing and enjoying the slow life.  I just would watch Netflix and do the occasional bit of homework.  All of my professors gave me extensions to get my work in late, so of course like any good Grad student  I would wait to the last minute to turn it in.  I am proud to say that I did get everything turned in and my professors even thanked me!

Things were moving along well.  My arm was healing faster, and I started feeling ready to go back to work.  Then I get a call from my mom one day.  It was in the middle of the day when she should have been in school.  I got a little worried once I saw her number because she normally does not call during school.  My mind began to race through all the things that could be wrong.  I say hello, and she tells me that there is a big tornado on the ground and Deb was at home with some family that was visiting and with no power.  Mom wanted me to call her to let her know what the weather was doing.

So I quickly logged onto News 9, and pulled up Gary England to hear what he was saying.  The minute I looked at the radar I knew my family was OK.  Then I began to see pictures of Moore.  A place that I still feel like is home.  I saw building that I had gone to or spent time in just destroyed.  This was the first time that a large storm had ever moved through and I was not there.

I did not know what to feel.  Everyone that lives here knew about it, but most had never been through something like this.  They did not know what to say.  I started feeling slightly out of place.  When my phone rang I hoped that it would be news that it was not real, and that it was all a big hoax.  That call never came, but the calls that did come were so and so is missing or so and so is gone or so and so lost their house or the best so and so lost everything but they are OK.  It seemed daily that these calls came in.  Part of me was so happy to get them.  I felt like I was connected back home when I was so far away.

I started to think about quitting my job, and doing my classes online so that I could come home for the summer.  I then remembered that I could not afford to do that since I would have to pack up all my stuff and move it home with me.  I had to be OK with the fact that I was here and not there.

Over the next few weeks I just keep pushing myself to not think about things.  I had to get my work in, and everyone here had already moved on.  Why was I still so upset?  I would hear anything about Moore, and break down in tears.  I just wanted to be there to help.

In this time I also found out that my apartment I have been staying in was not going to be covered by financial aid this next year.  I was stressed and pulled in so many different ways.  I just wanted to feel like things were normal again, but nothing I did helped.

I am extremely thankful for the church family that God has provided to me this year.  I had many girls from the group come to pray for me, and my whole church had a prayer time during one service to pray for all those that had been in the storm.  I could not ask for better encouragement.  I even got an opportunity to share at the youth group about what was going on(looks like I am going to start helping in the youth group all the time)...they did a bake sale and raised $52 to send to the Red Cross :)

I just did not know how much more that I could take this quarter.  Finals were coming up and medical bills were starting to come in.  I was really worried if this quarter would be the end of me in seminary.  Then I realized something that should have struck me the first day, God had a plan for me being here and not there.  He knew that I would struggle through all of this, and he put things in place to help me make it.  He has provided a new place for me to stay starting July 1st that will be $200 cheaper, but I will be getting a much nicer place.  He has also made it where I might be able to come home in September.

If you have made it this far I applaud you!!! You have just a bit more, but the subject is going to change so feel free to take an intermission and come back after you are ready.

So lately I have been thinking about missions and ministry.  For so long I have been so focused on getting done at school and getting back overseas ASAP.  While right now that is still the plan, I have been thinking about some things that have been preached on in church.  We have been talking about Acts and the men that God used in that book.  Paul of course was one of them.  I always saw Paul as the ultimate missionary.  These sessions at church have been talking about the timeline of Paul's life.  He did not leave on a mission trip as soon as he had sight again.  Instead he waited, and we know very little about that time in his life.  Then he finally goes out and does not seem to stop.

I think for me I have had the thought that if I don't go out to India as soon as school is out that I will let others down.  That they will believe that I maybe was not truly called to do ministry.  I had this fear that I had to prove that the Lord wanted to use me.  One of the other men that we talked about was Moses. (yes I know he is not in Acts) that he had to wait for 40 years before God used him for the purpose that was meant for his life.

Like I said right now I still am thinking the plan is to go out to India ASAP, but now I have begun to ask myself more about that.  Why am I wanting to go back that quickly?  Is it me or God leading?  Those are things that I am working through right now.  I know that I am called to India, but the question is when.

I think this has been even more pushed into my mind due to the fact that this week I have been writing papers about India, and serving there full time.  Also I have a group of friends that are leaving for India for a short term trip.  I just want to jump in their bags to go back.  I have to remember that God is the guide and not I.  I have ministry that I can be doing here, and I need to do them with all my heart and not with half of it in India.

Well if you have made it this far I am giving you a standing ovation!!!!  Thank you for taking the time to listen to my mind and fears and joys.  I hope that you guys are doing great!  Thanks for caring for me and know that I care for you as well.

Post-Surgery

So I had surgery on Monday!  I am feeling great compared to what I thought I would feel.  I actually have not had tons of pain, and I normally feel nauseous with pain meds but there has been none.

So on to the surgery story...

I got picked up on Monday morning by one of my lovely friends.  She drove me to the hospital and it took forever to find the office we were suppose to be in.  Once we find it and get checked in I only had to wait about 3 mins before they came to get me to do all the pre-op work.  I was feeling nervous, but my nurse was super comforting and made me feel fine.  After the IV and getting into my sexy hospital gown the nurses let my friend come back to sit with me.  I was glad that I could just sit and joke with someone before hand.  Once all the doctor and surgery team had stopped by to see me they were ready to take me back.

I was just chatting with the anesthesiologist and the next thing I knew I was waking up in the recovery room. I could not feel my arm since they had given me a nerve block.  So for the next 12 hrs at least it felt like I did not have an arm on that side.  The good thing that happened is I found out that the injury in my shoulder was not a full tendon tear, but a bone spur that had been making small cuts into my tendon.  This means a much faster and less painful recovery time.  Back to the story:  My friend came back and sat with me till the nurses were willing to release me...which was not till I went to the bathroom...the nurses felt like they had to talk to me as a little kid and would not say do you need to go to the bathroom, but do you need to go pee pee or go tee tee.  I just stared at them like are you crazy?  Once I finally did the great task I was driven home by my friend.

I was feeling awesome and was ready to get back to ruling the world that day(thanks to nerve blocks).  So I was not willing to rest at all.  But I had friends all taking shifts to help take care of me and encourage me to rest.  When I woke up on Tuesday morning I realized that world domination was going to have to wait.  I was not in pain, but just super sore.  So now I am just resting most of the day.

Even today I went for a short walk that normally would not take me long, and it took forever!  Once I got back to my house I was ready for another nap.  So for the next few weeks I am going to just take it very slow, and  rest as much as possible.

I am just glad that I should be back to my fun loving self sooner then was expected.  Thanks for keeping up with me!  I would love to hear updates from you and your families!

Let the Countdown Begin

So the countdown to surgery has already been going for the past few days.  For those that may not be up to date and thinking SURGERY?!?! I have a torn tendon in my shoulder so they are going to have to fix it so it will heal.  If you want more details about what happened look at my blog  post "That must have hurt" and the whole story is there.

So this week I have been trying to get everything ready.  I have my whole house clean(which if you know me, that is saying something)!  I have a basket made up that has everything that I might need during the recovery time, like band-aids, non-stick pads, headbands, gum, you get the idea.

I have also practiced trying to do things with one arm.  This has been an adventure!  I tried for 1 hr to try to figure out how to pull my hair up in a ponytail with one hand and a normal ponytail holder...lets just say nothing has been figured out on that one.  I have also practiced different positions to lay in at night to try to keep that arm still, and I think I have made some good discoveries.

So now it is just the waiting game for Monday.  One thing that I need to stop doing is watching people have this surgery done on YouTube.  I think that I have watched it enough that I could successfully do this surgery on someone else.  It also just make me a bit nauseous seeing the skin being tugged and pulled like they do.  I have never been squeamish watching surgeries or gross procedures online, but this one is getting me.

I am just waiting to see what it is going to be like after surgery.  I have had many people say they are going to be there to help, and meals are in the process of being planned.  I just don't want people to get tired with helping since this is going a very long process of healing.  I just hate feeling like I have to be dependent on others, and that I know they have better things to be doing then taking care of me.

Ok well I am going to go.  I will leave you with some pictures of friends and me hanging out.  Thank you for reading and keeping up with my crazy life.

We thought we looked like Skittles with all our colors

Making improvement on the Oklahoma and Texas Relationship(yes she is from Texas)

May 13th

So in High School this date was a very important date! This was the day of my Senior Banquet(CCS Prom), and I was so excited that I was finally going to graduate High School and move on to college.  My Senior Banquet got even better when my first nephew, Ben the Man, was born the day before!  I will never ever forget this date in my life.

Today this date got a new memory for it.  I will be having shoulder surgery on May 13th at 9:30 am.  I have been trying to get this surgery scheduled for the last week, but today they finally called.  I was just glad that it all got worked out.  Now it is just waiting for the info packet from the Doctor's office telling me all the things that I can and can't do.  I am kinda feeling ready for this just to get going.

On the other hand I am feeling a bit anxious because this is my first surgery.  I know, I know I am 26 and just now having a surgery.  Most people I tell are like "WHAT?!?!".  I just am trying not to work myself up about the whole thing.  I think if I got too nervous then I would say forget it and just live with a hurt shoulder.

I am mainly curious what it will be like after surgery.  They have told me that it is a 6 month-1 year recovery time.  4-8 week of that will be in a sling, and not being able to use my arm at all.  I am still planning on taking my classes and being a human being, so how is this going to change my life.  For the first month they say that you can't move your shoulder, so no dressing myself or brushing my hair with that arm or pulling my hair up in a ponytail.  I am just going to have to be very dependent on others, and I am not a huge fan of that.  I like being able to do my own thing, and not having to worry about things being done for me.

I now have to start planning where I will be staying for those first few days home, and who is going to help me out.  I am not even sure where to start this process.  Hopefully I will just figure it out.  I know there are people that are willing to help, and would jump at the chance.  I just don't want to put other people out of their time and energy.

Well that is enough whining from me.  It will all get sorted in due time.  I will try to keep you updated and if you are really good I might even post a blog while I am on pain killers for your enjoyment and for the future ridicule of me.  Thanks for reading, and not stopping half way through.