I know that you are for me!

So this last week in church we began to speak about the idea of our identity in Christ.  This is something that I was sure I was pretty confident in for myself.  I knew that I had the love of God in me, and that I am being led by him daily.

As our pastor(who is pretty awesome) began to share about how we can have an identity in Christ, but at the same time since we live in a fallen world our identity of ourselves can be off from how God sees us.  I thought that I knew this, but it seemed as the service went on I did not know that.  I was beginning to see that from things that happened in my life and family have made me not really know how my Father God sees me.

In the Response time we began singing the song I Know That You are For Me (if you have not heard check it out  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_35gB76xV_Y).  In the chorus it begins to remind us that God is for us and that He will never leave us even in our weakness.  That hit me so hard!  I just began to weep and not really understanding what was wrong, because I thought I knew who I was in Christ.

It was then that I realized that for whatever reason I feel like God is just waiting for a reason to give up on me.  I know in my head that He would never do that, but in my heart at times I just feel like God waiting for me to mess up enough so He can walk away.  As I sang the words "I know that you are for me", I began to realize that God is truly for me.  That He is fighting for me, and standing in my place for the battles that I am facing.

This is such a striking thing to me.  I have no idea what in my past has told me that I have to prove my worth to God, but something has done that.  It had me thinking more about do I truly understand the identity that I was given God, and how the identity that the world has given me changes my view of God.  I know that this is something that will not change overnight, but it is something that I have to keep chewing on.

Then the Lord also loves to show me that he does fight for me by providing.  As many of you know I have been trying to raise funds to get to South Asia this summer, and it has been a bit stressful to get that money in.  I have felt like the money was just slowly coming in, and it was never all going to get in.  Then in just a few days God has moved people to give and brought in the 50% that was needed by today.  I just feel like I need to have these reminders that the Lord is for me!

waiting...

Can I just say that waiting is one of the things that stresses me out the most.  I am not talking about waiting in line, but I am talking about waiting for things to come together.  I know that I am not alone in this, but sometimes it feel like I am.

Why is this an issue you might ask...well I am in this stage of waiting.  I am graduating school in June and still have no idea what is coming next in life.  Also I am trying to get to South Asia, but having to wait on God to provide the funds to go.  In recent days I have felt like I am just doing nothing except going to school.

In my normal methods at this point I would be furiously planning and making hundreds of back up plans.  This planning is something that I am good at, but it has been pointed out to me recently that my planning was becoming an idol.  I was doing the planning more than anything else including going to God for the plans at times.

So after some very wise council I have been taking a planning fast...I have to be reminded daily that while I am not planning God still has a plan in the works.  When I look at the amount of funds that have come in for my trip is only 10% of what I need by June, I have to be reminded that God is still working.  I have no idea how or what God is going to do to make all of these future plans work, but I have to have faith that it is going to work.  So now God is helping me learn to wait on Him and those around me to see what God has for me.